


Holding Her Together

by Iamsherlocked07



Category: The West Wing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26055151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsherlocked07/pseuds/Iamsherlocked07
Summary: Filling in some of the missing scenes in The Shadow of Two Gunmen. I always thought there was more to the night than we saw. A look at CJ’s reaction after a long night of briefings.TW for mentions of blood.
Relationships: C. J. Cregg/Toby Ziegler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Holding Her Together

Toby sighed, shuffling his way through the West Wing. He was running on 4 hours of sleep he’d gotten over 24 hours ago. He felt he’d aged since then. Their world had changed and he’d changed. The President went under anesthesia and they bungled the letter removing him from power. Josh was hit. They’d failed to keep each other safe. It had taken him what felt like days to sift through the crowd assessing for damage. The world spinning every which way, he seemed to move instinctually, barely conscious just searching for the rest of him. His team. When he found Josh lying there looking up at him helplessly it was like the air was taken right out of his lungs. The first thing he saw that brought him to Earth again was CJ rushing towards his call for help, panic etched in her face. He still couldn’t quite grasp all that had happened. It felt like he was still looking for them, perpetually stuck with Rosslyn spinning around him. 

Josh was wheeled behind the double doors. The president taken into surgery and suddenly there was work to be done. An image to uphold. Messages to send. Before he could get a good look at her, his lifeline, she hurried back to the The White House. He thought hers was the hardest job of the night. To be up there answering questions she hadn’t had the time to ask herself. His stomach churned at the thought. They sent her on the front lines. Back into danger with the press shouting her name. Flashes of sound and light. He wanted so badly to hide her away. Protect her until she was steady again. Until he could hold her and somehow assure himself she was real, whole. 

She’d done a remarkable job briefing. She was poised, measured, quick witted. But she was too good and it scared him. He saw the tremble in her hands as she gripped the podium. The way she’d flinch each time a camera flashed. She was there but miles away. She didn’t want to do the morning shows. He understood. She’d hold herself together as long as was expected. She’d do her job with grace and serve at the pleasure of the president. But despite the opinion of the White House press corps, she was a terrible liar. And she knew she couldn’t do the morning shows because she couldn’t lie or pretend for a second longer than necessary. 

He was waiting for her in the hall outside the briefing room. He watched as she stopped for a moment, smoothing her blouse, gulping in shallow breaths. She put an arm out, bracing herself against the doorframe, her head bowing. She looked completely spent. Toby’s attention shifted as he noticed Danny Concannon hurry down the hall toward her. CJ stood up straighter, pulling on her resolve. 

“Danny, please” the exhaustion evident in her voice, “I’ve answered everything I can right now.” 

“Listen CJ, I’d like to not have my job right now but I do and I need an answer on this.” Danny persisted. 

“Give her a break, Danny” Toby said cutting in. CJ let out a shaky breath and he took a protective step towards her. “I’ll get you some time with Leo. Just lay off for a little while.” 

Her eyes met his in a silent thank you, the rest of the world melting around them. Without taking his eyes off hers, he laid a hand on the small of her back and guided her down the hall toward the bullpen. 

As they neared her office, she leaned heavily into him. “Just a little further, hold on a little longer” he tried to say to say without words. He ushered her into her office, the door clicking shut behind them. 

She sank heavily to the couch. Toby grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge, loosened the cap, and handed it to her. “You did good in there.”

She gave a stiff nod, managing to take a small sip of the water that was mostly spilling down her trembling hands. The sensation took her back to the steps at Rosslyn hours before. Josh’s blood trickling down her wrist as she cried, begging him to stay with her, trying to assure him everything would be okay. The scenes swirled together, the thud of the water bottle hitting the carpeted floor reminded her where she was. Toby was sitting on the couch next to her, making small circles on her wrist with his thumb. She couldn’t remember how long she’d been sitting there or how he’d come to be next to her. 

“Claudia Jean?” He whispered “come back, it’s alright now.” Had she said something? How could he know where she was? 

“There are no more briefings tonight. It’s alright. You can rest now.” He pushed the hair off her shoulder, wondering how long and how thoroughly the paramedics looked her over. “Can I see this?” He asked gently, eyes fixed on the angry scratches on her neck. She nodded and he cautiously shifted on the couch to get closer look. His thumb smoothed over the cuts reverently, CJ’s eyes fluttering shut. “Toby”, she said plaintively. He studied each line as if committing them to memory. As if he could only heal this if he’d cataloged every detail. Hot tears fell off her face. “I know” he soothed. The color drained from his face as he looked her over. He hadn’t seen all the blood earlier. The blood on her collar from the scratches along her neck. The dried blood, and cuts in her scalp. The gash and forming bruise on her right temple. Worst of all the blood on her sleeves and torso from applying pressure to Josh’s chest. She’d held his hand and cradled his head as the paramedics started working before Sam had to gently pull her away. She’d always stopped their bleeding. That was her job, to fix it. “Jeanie,” he place a hand under her chin, turning her gently to face him. “You’re hurt.” The tears fell faster and she collapsed into him. 

Toby caught her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “I don’t know what I would have done if it were you” he whispered, cradling her head. CJ pulled back suddenly. “Oh god,” she choked, “are you hurt? I didn’t even ask” her eyes scanned back and forth assessing for damage. “I’m fine. I was pressed against the gate.” Gingerly, she laid her shaking hands against his chest as if she needed to feel for herself that he had been unscathed. Relief and exhaustion washed over her. She whimpered slightly. “Come lie down” he instructed. Toby guided her to him as he stretched the length of the couch. CJ’s head came to rest on his shoulder. He made soothing circles on her back, stroked her hair. He was surprised by how easily this tenderness came with her. The protectiveness he felt towards her that he thought would have faded. She wasn’t his when she came to the campaign years ago. No matter what they did, she wasn’t his anymore. Couldn’t be his. But tonight the world had turned upside down and he was reminded of the one thing he knew for sure. He loved CJ Cregg. Would love her for eternity. He would be there where ever and whenever she needed him. He would learn to hold the pieces every once in a while so she could put herself back together.


End file.
